Fed Up?

I haven't eaten properly now for two days...

 In general, I feel tired a lot anyway these days but today, i've felt especially tired. I have so much I need to do in preparation for my trip to see my family and the only thing I have done is get my tickets. That's lack of motivation for you.

 Craving a cup of tea or coffee right about now to warm me up but i'm actually too angry to make one. To have my emotions being shifted at the blink of an eye, every day, no rest from emotional issues and to have my buttons pushed by those selfish little pigs who think they know better, isn't exactly what i'd call quality of life to begin with. But to have them pushed by someone who claims to love and care for you, and have compassion and empathy for you, is a completely different ball game. The reality of the situation when it all boils down is, "Should I just laugh it off for the sheer stupidity factor or should I bawl?".

 I am quite possibly one of the most misunderstood people I have ever known, (though sometimes, I wonder if I actually even know myself at all) as I plow through life, wanting to find the peaceful alternative to the lifestyle others seem to be opting for, and end up coming out of it with a dirty face and ripped clothing. Even when I look back and try to piece everything together, nothing really seems to fit, things seem to travel so fast, the speeding car that hits its' target everytime without fail, yet leaves the driver wondering how it all came to transpire.

 While those people are drunk on alcohol and bad company, i'm drunk on stupidity and recklessness. One bad choice after another. Sometimes, I leave myself with no option but to wonder if everything is worth living for? To be tested strenuously like a new market product. Put through my paces to ensure that I offer safety to all those who use me, yet recklessly being disregarded in my own light. I am a person. I have feelings. I have a soul. None of that should be abused.

 I will end for today because this rant could go on forever and twist and turn through a poisonous fog, a miasma of deplorable anger, humiliation and sickening belief that one guesses they'll never be good enough for any creature that walks this world. Only good for abuse... Yet loving and with so much to live for...

Jen.